Just got home from seeing J.
답답해.
Seriously, that’s the only word I can think of. Oh, and 헐. Last night, I was thinking about how random it is that he is all of the sudden interested in me, and like a flood, all of these memories came back to me. I turned on my old phone, and was looking through my Kakaotalk and found our old chat room. OMG, I was oblivious! I guess, because we had been strictly friends since we met, I took everything he said in a friendly manner. All the time he wrote me emails saying that he missed me. Every time he asked me if we could have a Christmas date this year. Every time he said how he couldn’t find anyone back in the States that he liked as much as he liked someone else. HELLO, IDIOT KMK. Fuck me, seriously. Fuck my life.
When I met him, I was pretty much obsessed with him, but he had a gf, and that moment of “could this be something more?” passed. I picked him up and drove him to parties. We had late night study sessions at the library. He witnessed my drunken behaviour around K-boys. He never once made me feel as if he was interested in me as more than a friend. So, that’s what I took it as. People all knew we were close, and that was that. No one ever even raised the question.
Then, about 6 months ago, we started talking more, and he kept saying how much he missed me and how he wished we could hang out like old times. Tonight at dinner, he kept bringing up all of these old memories of us in university. I just, I DON’T KNOW. He leaves TOMORROW MORNING to go back to the States, and won’t be back here for six months. He has said on multiple occasions that he can “wait” and that we can Skype. Literally, as I was walking into the subway tonight, I turned around and he yelled “Don’t worry, we can Skype!” Like, what? Are we dating? Are we seeing other people? We didn’t even kiss! Given, he is the most shy person ever and admitted it has taken him the past FOUR YEARS to get up the courage to tell me that he likes me. HOW MANY MORE UNTIL THERE IS SOME PHYSICAL ATTENTION? He put his arm around me a few times tonight and did the whole putting his hand on my back to guide me through the street thing.
.
.
.
I’m sad to see him leave Korea.
